Pussy Cat Party (19/3/10): How to survive the Open Bar

Step 1: Arrive. This Mansion (warehouse in Bourjhammoud) is a bit out of the way. Still, no trouble when you are transported straight to the door in a chauffeur driven Toyota Yaris with a smashed  bumper hanging down like a punched lip. That’s right, I’m a rock star. They totally love me on myspace.

Step 2: Get in. Bit of a queue on the stairs. I would push my way to the front, you know with the whole myspace fame thing, but I’ve not lost my roots.  Besides, it gives me a chance to check out some people’s outfits. Apparently what is hot this season is spandex, naked male chests and pussy cat ears. I’ve got to buy Vogue more often…

Step 3: Check place out, head to the free bar. Or maybe check the place out on the way to the free bar. Makes more sense. Saves time. It would be rude not to. On my way there I spot a few things. 1) This warehouse is fucking massive 2)There is a big projector, projecting stuff. 3) Aphy is spinning tunes on an enormous stage which has cages either side of the DJ setup. These details will have greater relevance as the night goes on. But they will have to wait. The Open Bar is calling…

Step 4: Justify drinks choice. So why have I got a beer and 4 whiskeys in my hand? Do I need all this booze? Answer: The Open Bar told me to do it. Of course it did. The room has filled up nicely and Aphy has switched from glam-pop to pumped out techno. There seem to be at least 4 professional photographers prowling the room with enormous cameras and I am possibly the only person not wearing stiletto heels. Or a wig. Or both.

Step 5: Justify drinks choice again: The Open Bar has become a wrestling match. Long arms reach out from the throng, thrusting towards the bar tenders like lepers trying to touch the Pope. There is a logical mathematical equation regarding your drink order during this type of situation. Previous Order x 2. But nobody has 6 hands, so half of this must be consumed at the bar or spilt down ones jacket/bare-male-chest/high-heels. Well-oiled and tender, it’s back to the dance floor.

Step 6: Get freaked. El Djette has taken over from Aphy on the stage and is making the speakers do their work with some throbbing beats. Half the room seems to be forcing themselves onto the catwalk to get punished by the bass at point blanc range. The cages either side of the stage have been invaded by writhing half-dressed humans. It’s all starting to get a bit Roman. But then the projector throws an image of Justin Beiber on the wall. Who invited Beiber? Does his mother know he is out this late? I’m hiding in the bathroom until he’s gone.

Step 7: Deniro moment. Some weird guy is staring at me in toilet. He probably knows me from myspace or somewhere. Thinks he looks so cool in his leather jacket. But I could take him on, any day. I could totally kick his.. Oh wait. That’s a mirror.

Step 8: Dance like no one is watching. They say that if you want to look thinner then stand next to a fat person. This technique does not apply to drunk dancing. Try dancing next to the drunkest looking person in the room and you both end up looking like mental patients going through electric shock treatment, dreaming about swimming contests they were never eligible to enter. Best just to keep going for it. The whole room thinks the same.

Step 9: The Last Waltz: An unusual situation has broken out at the Open Bar. Whilst there is still plenty of booze, the plastic cups in which it would be served have refused to take part and are breaking as the bar staff remove them from their boxes. It’s as though they are on strike. The Open Bar has a mind of its own! It will not be conquered! No matter though, the show must go on. Aphy has taken to the decks for an encore and the pussy cats are still raving.

Step 10: Homeward bound? It’s time to leave but I can’t find the car. The Toyota Yaris seems to have taken offence at my ‘punched-lip bumper’ comment and is refusing to pick me up. I would rely on my old army skills to get me home, but the Open Bar has hazed my brain. I’ve also never been in the army. Anyone know the number for a Taxi?

Photos 1 and 3 by Prince Giorgio. Photo 2 by Bechara Samneh  Photo 4 by Phillipe Nayt. Thanks so much guys!

Advertisements

3 responses to “Pussy Cat Party (19/3/10): How to survive the Open Bar

  1. another open bar victim

    point blanc.
    great review… whats ur myspace?

  2. SO…. WHAT’S MY PIC DOING THERE AGAIN ? LOL

  3. Great review! I must say it’s a slimmed down “censored” version of the real party but your version is pretty accurate 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s