G Bar: Hamra Whorehouse?

This is a genuine call for information. You all know where this place is, nestled into the fabric of Hamra between Le Beirut and Bricks. There is always on old man sitting outside on a chair who says ‘Hi’. The door is always ajar, but never open. Dim red light is always seeping out into the street like gunge from a wound. Everything about the place screams ‘whore house’ at the top of its nicotine ruined lungs.

Now I know I have developed a small reputation, fighting with cab drivers, sticking my arm down toilets and posting incongruous sex listings on Craigslist, but I have to level with you and be honest. As much as I want to check this place out, I have never been into G Bar.

Reason? I am too scared.

I popped my head in the door once. Sitting on the bar was an enormously obese woman with surgically enhanced lips that looked like sausage skin filled with too much miscellaneous meat. She stared at me like a sea creature I had discovered under a rock. I didn’t even get a look around the place, I just ran away.

I want to go back though, but not to have sex with rancid sea creatures. My plan is to go in, dressed up like a tourist, with a map and money bag, and ask to see the wine list. Of course I will never do this, I don’t want to end up chained to a radiator with a manoushe stuffed in my mouth.

But someone, somewhere must have been in there.

Anyone care to enlighten me?

I won’t tell your mothers. Honestly…


5 responses to “G Bar: Hamra Whorehouse?

  1. I did, with 4 other people (2 females, 3 males) . It was new year’s eve and figured it would be an awesome experience (not the sex, we didn’t ask for anything..but just the fact that we went in there) .. so here’s what happened:

    1- we said hi to the guy outside
    2- entered, but no one was there..
    3- the guy goes in after us and calls someone from some room inside…an old woman with half her boobs hanging out of her dress shows up and asks us if we’d like drinks
    4- we ordered beer, and she gave us some really disgusting nuts and sunflower seeds.
    5- awkward silence…
    6- more awkward silence…
    7- the lady was checking us (3 males) out and pouring out her boobs even more..(it was the most disgusting pair of boobs i have ever seen)
    8- we asked for the check after we figured she wouldn’t offer us prostitutes because we were accompanied by 2 ladies. the beer is for 10 fucking thou !! we felt really stupid for paying this money for 20 minutes of bad smells, rotten sunflower seeds, warm beer and Kleenex boobs

    but it was something we talked about for a few weeks afterwards…so i guess it’s worth trying

  2. Hahaha! Yes brilliant. Not that I am implying anything about you personally Seen, but with the accessibility of the internet I would assume that ‘the most disgusting pair of boobs i have ever seen’ is quite a feat!

    They should perhaps market the place on this fact only.

    Come see the most disgusting pair of boobs in the world!
    (Free sunflower seeds.)

  3. hahahahahahahahah nice one

  4. Now there are three bars between Bricks and Le Beirut. Mad Water, Rabbit Hole, and 8mm. Do you know which one used to be G Bar?

  5. love beirut hamra

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