Right, get a look at this.
Aaaaaaaaaaand sit back down.
So CNN have been here and apparently got it all wrong. All fucking wrong.
A coveted Lebanese blogger, Our Man in Beirut, wrote a post this week discussing and despairing over this clip from a rational and reasoned perspective.
But if you have ever been on this site before (and if you haven’t then welcome) you will know that ‘rational’ and ‘reasoned’ are words that have been scratched out of our dictionary with a bloodied unicorn’s hoof.
Apart from the incongruous geographical comparisons (‘Before the war, Lebanon was considered the Switzerland of the Middle East’) and the fact that half the people interviewed seem unable to deliver a line without stuttering and getting confused, this piece of PR presents what I believe to be some very inaccurate and possibly damaging press for Lebanon.
Q: Why is it inaccurate?
Oh, thanks for asking. When watching CNN’s little clip I began to worry that people in other parts of the world might think that Beirut (and possibly Lebanon as a whole) is a nation of juvenile, neon idiots, pissing absurd amounts of money they didn’t earn off gratuitous rooftop nightclubs, waving their iPhones at waiters carrying trays of cocktails and downloading personality upgrades from their nearest pre-pay hotspot.
These excuses for human beings do unfortunately reside in, or at least visit annually, this otherwise great country, but it would be a travesty for anyone, even people who watch CNN, to think that this is the norm.
Q: Why is it damaging?
For the sole reason that more of the idiots described above might flock here from other countries. This could be very dangerous. If too many soulless turds were to flock to Beirut then we may face ‘Idiot Mass’.
This is a critical condition where a combination of bottomless bank accounts, vacuous girls in miniskirts, guys who look like they have just come out of ovens and meaningless high-fives create a vortex that will envelope the whole country and suck it away to the sort of horrific Soviet Russian labour camp that Ivan Denisovich had nightmares about.
Q: Oh no! What can we do?
A: Carry on NOT being a prick.
Whether you follow the local music scene, play 5-a-side football, compete with your friends at network gaming in internet cafe’s, design bespoke clothing or furniture, are involved in poetry or martial arts… keep doing it.
This city is much more than a series of expensive, glow in the dark twat-traps.
And if CCN have a problem with that. They can kiss my Skybar.